im about as happy as oj after his trial
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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