no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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