Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
