You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
