my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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