you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
