You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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