How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
