So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize