do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
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