You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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