Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
