So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
