she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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