So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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