i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
