He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
