i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
