Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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