I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
