You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
