sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
