i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so let's talk penis.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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