my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
