He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
