I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Randomize
