when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
