i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize