Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
