Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
two words...techno handjob
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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