ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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