Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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