Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
don't judge my taste in strippers
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
