Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
organizing the empties. That sober.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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