yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
