well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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