everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
