I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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