U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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