I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
