Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It's never too late to be topless.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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