My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
