new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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