My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
