you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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