At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
