I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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