ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
