I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
