After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
