so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
