ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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