I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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