Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
