as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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