I met the friendliest cop last night
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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