I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
