I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Please, let me fuck your mom
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
