Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize