your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
