if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
our cab driver is having phone sex.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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