I just saw a hot homeless man
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
