your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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