so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
