I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
