I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
