So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
