just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
