THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
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You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
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When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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