I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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