i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize