Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
