I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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