You were right. It hurts to walk today.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
