My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
But theres a keg here and me gusta
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
