His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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