my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
