I bet he comes in French.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
