She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
