I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
my poor anus
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
