He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
